Ranting & Retail Therapy - Halloween Clearance 2023

I trick-or-treated-myself to clearance candy. A LOT of clearance candy. Even by my standards.

Originally I wanted to find some pillows and décor, but it was slim pickin's. That's what you get when Christmas items roll out on October 1st. (RIP Thanksgiving, you're problematic, but I love your food.)

Upon reflection, Christmas isn't to blame. (Although I will make angry Instagram Reels about winter products encroaching upon my spooky season.) No matter what seasonal-flavor you subscribe to, it's all the same consumerism, and our consumer-clock is completely out of whack. 

Back to school sales were popping up as early as June, when some kids were still in school. Halloween was rolling out in July. Christmas by the end of September. Forget Daylight Savings, this is what needs adjusting! Sticking with a Christmas metaphor, we're opening our gifts too early. By the time the actual event rolls around, we're celebration-fatigued and the magic is gone.

How do we get it back? At some point, will we skew so far that we loop back into appropriate seasonal time frames?  Like when something is so lame it's cool? Probably not. And I definitely can't control when the Pumpkin Spice Lattes or Mariah Carey anthems hit the masses. 

Spotting skeletons on shelves in July is bittersweet. I'm spooky-season through-and-through but I also love summer, and if I want the "good" Halloween stuff, I need to grab it before the end of August or I'll have nothing come October! The justified fear of missing out because I didn't conform to accelerated consumption stops me from attempting a more appropriate self-imposed timeline.

I am but one little blogger in a sea of nonsense on the internet, and I am screaming into the void, "let us savor our seasons!" But I don't know how to make it stop.  

Dramatics aside...here's what I bought on the clearance racks this year. 

A River of Candy Corn Runs Through It - Fall Festival Candy Corn

Happy Halloween! What better way to wrap things up than with some novelty candy corn! 

Brach's Fall Festival Candy Corn has 6 distinct flavors: 

Trick or Treat: Favorite Day Filled Gumballs

Normally I try to go in and write these with a first-taste experience, but I cracked into these the second I bought them, they're great! Probably my favorite Favorite Day product I've ever had. 

You get three flavors, and each have a unique filling. 

Trick of Treat - Minecraft Edition: Suspicious Stew Pringles

Yesterday's not-really-Halloween-but-kind-of-Trick-or-Treat-adjacent theme continues! Today I have these Suspicious Stew flavored Pringles. 

Minecraft is something beyond my elder-millennial scope, so I asked my younger cousin to explain it's, "Suspicious Stew," item to me. She said it is kind of like poison, it makes your screen get all wiggly. Makes sense to me as an in-game item, but when there are other more positive foods in the game they could have gone with, I do think it's a strange choice for a limited run flavor. (A "sus" choice?)

Sadly, I bought these for whatever normal price they were going for at Walmart, but if you do want to try these for yourself, they seem to be popping up at Dollar Trees already for a lower price, which does not bode well for my snacking experience. 

It's ALIVE - Trick or Treat: Mushroom-based Sodas?

While these are not overtly Halloween-themed, in my mind, they're Trick-or-Treat-adjacent. Stick with me and you'll see.

I don't drink booze, I rarely drink coffee, and I don't do artificial sweeteners or diet beverages. What I DO drink is a lot of water, seltzers, and soda. Soda is my coffee. (Soda is a god. Soda is the breeze in my hair on the weekend.) 

Soda is my go-to caffeine boost, but we all know soda is not good for you, and I do like to make healthier choices when I can, so when I spotted these "healthy" sodas at Lidl I thought this could be a great alternative. That is, if they actually taste good. 

So, healthy mushroom-based sodas, a trick? Or a treat? 

Confectionary Fright-Flight? - Seasonal Sampler of Cotton Candy

Fun Sweets Seasonal Sampler - Walmart

A flight of seasonal cotton candy! What a great concept! 

Years of blogging has taught me that less is more. (As long as the price is right.) Buying entire packages of wacky flavored chips or cookies can be so wasteful. If limited edition flavors are released in smaller serving sizes, that's the way to go. That said, tiny tubs of novelty flavored cotton candy sounds absolutely perfect to me! 

Even though I've already tried and reviewed two of these flavors, the S'more and Candy Corn, I couldn't resist the idea of cranberry cotton candy. I pretty much bought this entire set just for that flavor alone. A wise decision?  We'll see...

Baby's First Liquid Death - Berry it Alive

Liquid Death canned water sounds like it's ripped from an episode of Metalocalypse, but it's legit! And it's actually been around for a while. 

You'd think I would have gotten into this stuff a lot sooner, what with it being covered in skulls and having the tag line, "murder your thirst." Completely my aesthetic, and yet, I never got around to it. 

Then, last night, I was at Walmart grabbing seasonal cat treats (because I'm that kind of pet-mom), when I spotted an 8-pack of "Berry It Alive," on the discounted food end-cap. I figured, what better time to drink Liquid Death than in the midst of Spooky Season? Plus, it's discounted! (Not sure why, but it was only $7.00, a bad omen?) 

So, let's find out if this is...to die for? 

Halloween Candy Showdown: Name-Brand vs Target vs Trader Joes

No-frills products are the way to go, especially when it comes to pantry staples, but there are some exceptions to the rule, like candy bars. It's really tempting to grab store branded sweets when filling your candy bowl, but are they worth it? 

I grabbed candy from Target's house brand, Trader Joe's house brand, and the real deal, who will come out on top? 

Grim is back! - Voo-Dew Year 5 (+ Actual Flavor Reveal)

Voo-Dew 2023

Mystery Voo-Dew has once again graced us with it's ghastly presence, and I could not be happier. 

In a world where McDonald's releases sub-par Boo-Buckets with mock-lids, Burger King releases a spooky bucket only available in 5 locations, and stores roll out their Christmas wares on October 1st... Mtn Dew is a spooky-season beacon of hope. This year marks it's 5th anniversary, and I hope it stays a seasonal tradition for years to come. 

So, what has the reaper bottled for us this year? Previously, the labels and their coloring offered us a hint. 

Macro-ron - Lidl Brownie Macaron Sandwich

Took a bit of a break, but I'm back, baby. 

Macarons are a lot of work. They're made with (expensive) almond flour, they need to be piped in uniform puddles, then you need to let them rest before tapping the tray on the counter to create the perfect "foot," all before baking and assembling. I sadly don't have the time, or the budget, to perfect a macaron in my kitchen. (Although I would love to one day.) So, for now, I buy them. Even when they come from Lidl. they still feel like a luxurious treat. 

Lately, I've noticed that macarons are getting Big-Mac-ified. Meaning, they are getting bigger, and more outrageous. Like those Milkshakes that were all the rage a few years ago. The ones that were topped with full-sized separate desserts and have glass vessels covered in chocolate. It's a spectacle more than anything else. (I mean, how are you supposed to eat the chocolate off the glass? It's such a waste.) It appears to be Macaron's turn. I've seen huge ones stuffed with ice cream and fillings, like ice cream sandwiches, or giant cake-sized ones meant to be cut up and served at parties. Then there's this smaller scale one I saw at Lidl. 

It's a macaron, filled with brownie chunks, vanilla bean crème, and salted caramel. In theory, it all sounds great, but will it be too much?

Give me strawberry-scented armpits, or give me sweat! (A Food-Adjacent Rant + Review)

A bonus post with photos from my private stash and an illustration!

Give me strawberry-scented armpits, or give me sweat!

I love food smells, whether it's cupcake perfume, pumpkin body butter, or Thanksgiving Dinner scented candles, but I also love practicality. Two things that (typically) don't go together. Since items like this are usually for children, or novelty collectibles, the quality leaves a lot to be desired. 

With millennial fashion coming back in a big way, (low rise jeans and lace camis as far as the eye could see), why not scents? 

The early 2000's blessed me with things like Bath & Body Works Temptations, Jessica Simpson's Dessert Treats, and Strawberry Teen Spirit deodorant. Fantastic, functional, foodie products but, slowly, everything I loved was taken from me. Maybe it's time we brought them back. 

PINK, it's like red but not quite - Pink Lemonade Creme Cookies

Pink Lemonade Creme Cookies - Aldi

How will they compare to the Lime? Let's jump right in and find out! 

To Graham, or not to Graham - Aldi Key Lime Creme Cookies

My dogs made writing tonight's post nearly impossible. Between them wanting to be on my lap, off my lap, pawing at my hands while typing, randomly licking my feet, running around my chair, and generally begging for attention at all times...I nearly gave up. I love them to death. They're my babies, but they're not the teeny tiny lap dogs they think they are. Typing over their fluffy 12-14lb bodies as they practically vibrate in my lap is no easy task. I finally got the dog stroller out, popped Pepper inside (the worst offender) and parked him next to me like you would a baby in a bassinette. 

If this post makes little to no sense, just know, I tried. 

Once a loyal Aldi-shopper, I've since turned to the Lidl-side. It's just more convenient. Lidl opened a new location that is on my way home from work without having to deal with any highways or traffic, so I can quickly run my post-work-errands, and get back home to walk my needy pups. It's great, but there are a few Aldi staples that make it worth the trip. 

Like the knock-off novelty Oreos. (I also think Aldi's milk, heavy cream, and butter are better, for the record.) I just picked these up, and already there is a newer flavor available, Pink Lemonade, which I also grabbed. So expect to see them next week. (I wanted to post them together, but I am barely making it through typing this post, so Pink Lemonade will get it's own write-up.) 

Oreo released a few lime variations in the past, Limeade, Shure Bert, and Key Lime Pie...and these are looking pretty Key-Lime-Pie-y. I'd say that's the cookie they were looking to dupe, and so far, it seems spot on. 

Purple -Bag Doritos have a new Cheetos-cousin

Tangy Chili Fusion Cheetos - Walmart

Flamin' Hot Cheetos have a cult following, and recently got their own origin film. (I think it's available on both Hulu and Disney+.)  Although I enjoy spicy snacking, I've never been a fan. I am uncharacteristically picky when it comes to cheese-flavored snack food. If I'm reaching for Cheetos, it's the classic crunchy bags or Mexican Street Corn, but that may change after this. 

What's cooler than being cool? - m&m's Caramel Cold Brew

Caramel Cold Brew m&m's - Walmart

What makes a non-coffee product "cold brew,"-flavored vs. normal "coffee"-flavored?  

Is it a more concentrated coffee flavor? Was actual cold brew involved at all? I doubt it.

Ben & Jerry's vs. The Girl Scouts - Chewy Gooey Cookie

Chewy Gooey Cookie Ben & Jerry's - Target

Samoa ice cream? 

This has milk chocolate and coconut ice creams, shortbread pieces, fudge flakes, and a caramel swirl. All the ingredients of top-tier Girl Scout cookie, Samoa (aka Caramel deLites.) Since this is as subtle as a baseball bat to the face, I'm far from the first person to make the connection. Which makes me wonder, why isn't this a collaboration? 

Ben & Jerry's previously released, "Thick Mint," a clear parody of Girl Scout's, "Thin Mint," so maybe there's some bad blood between the two junkfood giants? Someone more versed in brand politics can fill me in down in the comments. I'm sure I'm missing something. 

Whatever the reason, I love Samoas, and I love ice cream, so I have high hopes for this pint! 

Ultimate Mystery - Coke Creations: Ultimate

"Ultimate," the newest flavor in Coke's Creations line, has been released, and the novelty of these whimsical concept-based soda flavors still draws me in like a moth to the flame. 

This flavor is branded with a video game theme, more specifically, League of Legends (abbreviated as, "LoL." No joke.) 

Arcane, the Netflix series, is loosely based on the characters from LoL, and I really liked it, but from what I understand, the plot of the show has nothing at all to do with the gameplay, and from the looks of it, neither does this soda. 

The "New Coke" of Reese's

Creamy & Crunchy Reese's Cups - Walmart

I want to share one of my favorite College Humor/DropOut videos of all time, Oreo CEO.

Please binge the rest of the CEO videos, Brennan Lee Mulligan is an absolute gift. 

Painfully accurate, right? Especially for junkfood people like me who remember the limited-edition-Oreo-hunting-days, but you know who else might be equally guilty? Reese's. 

They, "done did the good peanut butter cup," and instead of "resting on their laurels," they are back at it again with a smooth and a crunchy version of their classic peanut butter cup. Are these improvements? Or completely unnecessary? 

Condiment Chip Consumption Craze

Hot Mustard & Tangy Ketchup Doritos

What is up with condiment themed chips? 

Herr's was the first brand I noticed, they announced a line of boldly flavored chips meant to be added to sandwiches, "Sandwichips." They are currently available and come in four flavors: mustard, ketchup, spicy pickle, and sweet onion. As someone who likes adding chips to their sandwiches, I like the idea, but I am skeptical about their flavor pay off. If you have the mustard chips, do you still add actual mustard? Normally I find adding chips to my sandwiches is more-so a texture thing than a flavor one. And what about ketchup? Is that meant to go on Burgers? What other "sandwich" do you eat with ketchup? Hot dogs? Are hot dogs a sandwich? (I say no. Also, ketchup on hot dogs after the age of 12 is a crime.)

Then Doritos got in on the action with a ketchup and mustard duo of their own. No application gimmick, just condiment flavors for chippy consumption. Mustard, I get. Especially with a name like "hot mustard." It makes me think the the spicy mustard packets that came with our Chinese take-out. Which could be great in tortilla-chip-form. But...ketchup? 

Too Much of a Good Thing?

A quickie, since I've been burnt out at work but I wanted to keep my posting streak up. 

Pink is the best Starburst flavor. I thought this was universally agreed upon, so I was shocked when several friends, and even my own mother, confessed that they didn't like pink at all! (Blasphemy! They don't like red Skittles either!) Since there are no all-lemon or orange packs hitting the shelves, I am pretty sure they're on the wrong side of the flavor-wars. 

My Starburst ranking (of just the original line-up) would be 

1. Pink
2. Yellow
3. Red
4. Orange

And I think that's a fairly common take. (Let me know your order in the comments) 

So, given that pink is my favorite, I thought this, "Oops, All Pink,"-version would be the best pack of Starburst ever, sadly, it wasn't.