Red Velvet Rantings and Aldi Cookies

Benton Red Velvet Cookies 

It's trendy to take chocolate-whatever, add red food dye, top it with white frosting, and promote it as "red velvet." But it's wrong! In case you're new here, "red velvet" is one of my rant-triggering flavors. (That, and "birthday cake.") So, let the ranting commence! 

(You can skip right to the review by clicking the continue reading link below)

I love baking, and I watched The Food Network obsessively in the 90's and 2000's, back when they were more focused on actual baking/cooking and not reality TV. I have seen tons of bakers discuss red velvet, because it's a real, historical, baking-thing. The coloring and texture comes from a reaction in the ingredients, typically cocoa powder, baking soda, vinegar and buttermilk. 

Also, red isn't the only "velvet" in town. Throughout baking history, there have been tons of other flavors, since it's about getting a certain texture in your cake and not a flavor in and of itself. But what most people get hung up on is the dang coloring. Hence all the "pink," "green" or "blue velvet" recipes on Pinterest. The color has next-to-nothing to do with how it tastes! (As long as you're not using beet juice or a distasteful food dyes.)

A "Red Velvet Cake" is a chocolatey cake, with a burgundy-brown coloring, and a velvety mouthfeel. Typically topped with a white frosting, to highlight the coloring of the cake itself, which may or may not be cream cheese based. (These days cream cheese is the go-to, but at one point it was ermine.) Not just a chocolate cake with a ton of red food dyes, or beets, or whatever else you dump in there. 

So, we have established that the coloring doesn't affect the flavor, it's more-so a reaction, AND that the main reason to get "Red Velvet" is the texture of the cake itself. So... how do you make other things like gum, or cookies, "red velvet?" You don't. 

But "cream cheese filling" Doesn't exactly have the same decadence or punchiness as "red velvet." It's all about spin and marketing. (Ever see Thank You for Smoking?) 

Which brings us here, to this review. Why would I buy cookies that are "red velvet" given that I clearly think it's a marketing scam. Especially after the Benton Hot Cocoa cookie fiasco? 

Red Velvet Kit-Kats -Target

Red Velvet Kit-Kats -Target $3.24

We already know my stance on cake-flavored candy (spoiler alert: I think it's a scam), but when it comes to red velvet cake, things get a bit complicated.

Garish red-food-coloring aside, Red velvet cake is known for it's fine, velvety, texture and usual pairing with cream cheese frosting. (Food Snob Fact: It used to be served with ermine frosting, but most Americans use cream cheese these days.) Now, can you really cram chocolate cake, with a velvety texture, and cream cheese icing into a crispy, crunchy white chocolate confection like Kit-Kat? Sounds like a stretch, but we shall see...

Red Velvet Oreos - Target: Marlton, NJ

Red Velvet Oreos - Target: Marlton, NJ

Okay, these are old news, and the newest flavor of Oreo has already been announced, but I still bought a package of these to review. These have already been covered by quite a few food blogs, but I tend to pick on red velvet flavored sweets a lot, so I thought I might give readers a different perspective.

Red Velvet m&m's - Target: Marlton, NJ

Red Velvet m&m's - Target: Marlton, NJ

These are a re-release, so the flavor isn't really new, just seasonal, and last year I refused to buy them. I really thought they'd be a huge flop. I mean Red Velvet m&m's? With their milk chocolate base, I thought there was no way these would taste any different from their normal chocolates, and that this was just a gimmick. Apparently the flavor was popular enough with consumers to return, so I thought I'd check them out and see if they were somehow better than I had expected.