Tuesday, April 2, 2019

Chocolate Coated Sugar Bombs - Birthday Cake 3 Musketeers

Birthday Cake 3 Musketeers  - Walmart
You know the old, "stopped in for milk left with new bedding, a blender, and seasonal guest towels that are for looking, not touching," memes that gets tossed around online? Well, I just did that. With Walmart. And junk-food. 
I went in to grab some command hooks and left with 3 different kinds of Pop-Tarts, Honey BBQ Frito Twists (the BEST), 3 different boxes of novelty cereal, Reese's Thins, and Brach's Marshmallow Easter Hunt Eggs. Oh, and Command Hooks. 
To rationalize my junk-food shopping spree, I decided to review it all, starting with the candy bars.
I was never a fan of 3 Musketeers growing up. I used to pick them out of my Halloween candy and give them to my mom, but as an adult, they've grown on me. When they're in my seasonal variety bags, I'll happily indulge, but I would never go out of my way to buy them as a stand alone candy bar. Why did I buy this then? Actually, I was looking for the new Butterfingers and since they were nowhere to be found, I settled for this. So it's just a case of being in the right place at the right time...and waiting for someone to settle.
Visually, the wrapping is pretty interesting. The foil is very shiny and reflective, the art is playful, and the plastic-foil on the backside is oddly thick so that if you only want to eat half of the candy (there are 2 bars inside) you can do so and twist the wrapper closed to save the rest for later. Function-wise, that's pretty cool. 
Inside, the candy looks normal. There is no discernible difference between this and any other 3 Musketeers bar,
After a closer inspection, I noticed that it smells slightly sweeter and more vanilla'd than a normal 3 Musketeers bar, but it's faint at best. I took a bite, thinking I'd see a colorful birthday cake sprinkle explosion inside, but the reality was...
Underwhelming.  If you look closely you can see hints of color, but no visible sprinkles of any kind. It's almost like you can see the hint, or ghost, of where a sprinkle ought to be. Not too festive, and the taste? 
Well, it's certainly a lot sweeter than normal. The texture is fluffy and almost Circus Peanut-like, with a gritty sugary texture and a significant amount of vanilla flavoring. It doesn't make me think of birthday cake, and it's insanely sugary, but it's really not that bad. The filling does have a certain grocery-store-birthday-cake-frosting quality to it that is reminiscent of party cake, and the after taste is slightly more cake-like, but in the end, this was so sweet it made my throat burn.
I gave the other half to my fiance, and he could only manage one bite before calling it quits. The lack of texture in 3 Musketeers always put him off, but the overwhelming sweetness of this particular flavor was just too much for him to take. (He's a Snickers kind of guy.)
This is a sugar addict's dream. I can see children and fans of intense sweets stockpiling these, but me? I don't regret buying it, but I will never repurchase. 
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