Wednesday, May 22, 2019

Cheesecake Straight From The Toaster

Strawberry Cheesecake Pop-Tarts  - Walmart
Another part of my "I went to Walmart for Command Hooks and left with two bags of junk food," haul. Will this Split flavor be better than the last?
Strawberry side: Nothing much to report here, it tastes like a plain ol' Strawberry Pop-Tart. We have a sweet, but thin, jammy filling covered in pie crust topped with sugary white icing. Un-toasted, it's a little dry, but as satisfying as it's always been. 
Cheesecake side: My first impression was that this stuff is really sticky. It's similar in consistency to the milkshake themed Pop-Tarts they've released in the past, and it tastes...really bland. There's no cheesecake-y twang, or hint of cream cheese, it's just a sticky sweet mess of sugary nothingness. What a bummer! If I had to liken it to anything, I'd say it's like you stuffed a Pop-Tart with a vanilla pudding skin, but in a weird way, that sounds more appealing than the actuality of this "cheesecake" Pop-Tart. 
Combined: The flavoring comes off more strawberries and cream instant oatmeal packet than cheesecake. It's more bland than I expected, but not exactly bad. Maybe toasting it will amp things up.  
Strawberry side: Toasting helps the crust taste less dry and crumbly and more buttery and flaky, which helps the strawberry filling to really shine. Still, it's no different than a normal strawberry Pop-Tart. 
Cheesecake side: The heat from the toaster thins out the cheesecake filling so that it's more creamy than it is sticky, but there isn't much of a flavor boost. If anything, the now toasted crust seems to overpower the once custard-y concoction and turns it into a bland vanilla'd version of it's former self. 
Combined: Both flavors are at their best when they're combined, it goes from being an okay-strawberry pastry and a lack-luster cheesecake one to a semi-decent baked good. It's not as great as the other Split combination I reviewed, but it certainly is better when eaten together than they are solo. 
Toasted, or un-toasted, these do not taste like a strawberry cheesecake. Not even close. This flavor combination takes the awesomeness that is a classic Strawberry Pop-Tart and dulls it down with a sticky vanilla goo that's pretending to be cheesecake.
Ultimately, this is a mediocre flavor, and if it were to disappear forever, I doubt I'd even notice and miss it. If you're a fan of cheesecake, you'll probably be even more disappointed than I was. Hopefully Pop-Tart will release some new, more interesting (and successful) flavors in the future. Because lately, they've all been duds. 
Sidenote: Our younger Pomeranian, Pepper, goes flipping crazy for these this particular flavor. I gave him a little crusty bit from the side and now he's a mad-man! So, maybe these are best enjoyed by dogs? 
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