Thursday, November 26, 2015

Mystery Flavor Push Pop - Target

Mystery Flavor Push Pop - Target
At first I thought about doing a video review with this product, since it's new and interesting, but one look at this thing and... NO. Never gonna happen. I used to love Push-Pops as a kid, but as an adult? They're totally NSFW to eat in public, let alone in a video posted on the internet. So, written review it is!

In a similar fashion to Mystery Airheads, Push-Pop went with a metallic silver wrapper and some colorful question marks. The silver color makes this candy stand out from the other more definitive flavors, and it's definitely eye catching. This was in the very bottom shelf of the check out aisle, way down near my feet, and it still caught my eye! (Although why is candy that I put in my mouth so close to the store floor? I mean there's no doubt in my mind that kids are going to lick this packaging at some point and not just the candy inside.) I like the layout and metallic backdrop, so as far as label-design is concerned, this is a success, but what about the overall form and function?


When I took the cap off, this white cylinder of sugar literally shot out at me. These are spring loaded now!? That seems really dangerous, like, couldn't that knock right into a kid's front teeth? How is this better than the older version? When I was a kid you'd have to manually push the lollipop portion up with your finger. (Which is so hard to describe without sounding incredibly wrong. I mean, insert a finger and then suck on the erect tube of sugar candy that was inside? Just...why?) It gets worse, as a kid all your spit would slide down the candy and get all over your finger inside... was this candy created by the devil? I guess they remedied the spit-finger problem with this spring loaded mechanism, but now I shudder in horror imagining all the spit collecting in this plastic tube instead.

Okay, enough of me fixating on the gross and phallic potential of this candy, what is this "Mystery" flavor, and how does it taste?


There's a hole in the center?! Seriously? COME ON PEOPLE! Who thought this stuff up? Not only does that look wrong, but that chamber collects spit as you eat it! Why is everything about eating  this candy so sticky and gross?

Okay, I honestly have no idea what this flavor is meant to be, but whatever it is, it's good! The candy is a solid white, which is kind of unnerving to look at, but it prevents your brain from relating it's color to a flavor and influencing your overall opinion. The hard candy tastes sweet, a little tangy, and fruity, but what is it? It's bizarrely familiar. I feel like I've had something close to this in a gummy candy, maybe one of the flavors in my Gummi Lifesavers reviews?

Sometimes I think I taste something tropical and tangy, like pineapple, but it's also sweet and creamy. The closest thing I can liken it to are those passion fruit and mango gummies from Trader Joe's, but it's still not quite the same. Thanks to Facebook being stupid I can't seem to find the comment, but a reader actually tried this before I did, and they thought it might be lychee mixed with strawberry. I could definitely see that being a possibility. This is sweet and tangy with a tropical-profile, and even though I can't exactly place what this flavor is, I really like it.

If it wasn't so...inappropriate looking to eat in public, I'd definitely buy another one of these, but with it looking so bizarre, and there already being such a stigma with grown people eating phallic foods (like bananas) while they're out and about, I don't know if I'd personally repurchase this. If I did, I'd be eating behind closed doors.
© Maria Smith http://poison-and-antidote.net
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17 comments:

  1. "NSFW to eat in public" is the funniest thing I've read this week.

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  2. Great writing! Although my question of what they flavor is hasn't been answered, I enjoyed reading this.

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  3. They smell like urine.

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    Replies
    1. They do smell kind of uriney I agree!

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    2. I completely agree that it smells like urine. So weird

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  4. Normally mine tastes like Cherry.

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  5. It does have a cherry taste but like the one comment says it really does smell like urine. So weird and I can't decide yet if I like it or not. It taste so good since cherry is one of my very favorite flavors. But the smell of urine just kills the mood to continue licking and sucking this push pop.

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  6. Haha! Great post. Although I had to silently read a few sentences due to the fact me & my 8 yr old son just googled to see what flavor it was! Lol. It was one of his many surprises I grabbed for him after making honor roll today! Lol We couldn't make out what flavor it was. I didn't quite enjoy it as much as him πŸ‘ŒπŸΏπŸ‘ŒπŸΏπŸ˜Š

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  7. Ah ah ! I discovered those candies by complete chance when on a business trip to the States. I thought it was this kind of powder candies .... Anyway I bought the strawberry and opened it in the store, only to have this red thing jump right at me and my colleagues laughing their a... off :) I definitely ate this in the privacy of my hotel room !
    I then discovered the watermelon flavour and its alien phallic look (don't like) ... and then saw the mystery flavour. I loved that one but could not figure out what flavour it was and it was bugging me, which is what drove me to this article. And I have to agree on the cherry taste, but I think ... strawberry banana might be point on on what this actually is.

    Actually just for the fun of it, I might try the "triple power push pop" :) :) :) :)

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  8. Now that someone said it, its definitely strawberry-banana. You got it right when you said its "bizarrely familiar"! I said almost those exact words when I tasted it. Thanks for this! It was driving me crazy not knowing.

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  9. To me it taste a lot like cherry limea
    id

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  10. To me it taste a lot like cherry limea
    id

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  11. Who cares how "phallic" it looks. Ridiculous to think some adults would hide to eat these? Why waste time trying to anticipate what others think only to then curb what you would normally do, i.e. reserve enjoyment of this delectable treat to environments where you exist alone? Life's far too short and if someone wants to think that I or my soon to be wife are practicing oral sex on a Push Pop then ... then ... SO BE IT! My intention is pure and frankly that is ALL that matters. When you think about the state of the world and its many adult avenues while also considering the depravity that can be attached to such things, you would have to admit that with so many fetishes and sexual distinctions damn near ANYTHING could be assigned sexual under or overtones and I'll be damned if I spend my time trying to think like others whom I consider petty at the very least, in the end I am complicating the very simple treasures presented and denying myself gratification on the back of someone else's inability to see a thing for what it really is and I refuse to give it to them. I refuse to become as distracted as most in others approximations of them for I know who I am and what my intentions are. I refuse to change my innocent behaviors to bring weight to their very shallow and meaningless arguments. In light of this, I hope you all see the truth or my words and begin to (as innocently and earnestly as possible), begin to enjoy your life without first questioning the motives which you already know are pure, in light of others who in the end, matter none.

    Be you
    Be proud
    Eat your jumbo push Pop in public!

    Sincerely with the Utmost regard, Reno and Pandora

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