Friday, October 28, 2022

Death, by Coffee

Death Wish Coffee, a brand that stays spooky year-round, has always been on my radar. The only thing stopping me from checking them out? I rarely drink coffee.

I can count on my fingers (and toes) the cups of coffee I drink in a year, so buying bags of it online just doesn't make sense. (Even if they have cool skulls on them.) That's not a problem anymore! Apparently, you can buy Death Wish at Walmart? Most of you are probably like, "duh, it's been there for ages." But I never buy coffee, so I had no idea!


I was actually checking endcaps for Little Debbie's Pumpkin Delights when this black bag with pumpkin-skulls caught my eye. Is this a year-round flavor? Or a seasonal one? I can't really tell. Anyway, into my cart it went.

Something to remember, I write these posts at night and schedule them to post the next day. So it's almost 8:30PM EST. Normally I wouldn't drink coffee this late, or at all, but yesterday's couch-nap and near-midnight Mountain Dew really messed me up. Wired, I was up until 4AM unable to sleep, so I folded laundry and caught up on The Handmaid's Tale instead. (Apparently I woke up and chose anxiety.)

But I paid for it. Today I felt like death warmed over. The kind of over-tired where your eyes are puffy and you can't stop tears from streaming down your face. Which made applying my "I'm totally not a zombie"-undereye make-up very difficult. It's not even real crying, it's your eyes trying to trick you into shutting them for a while longer. I made it through work, and back home, but now I need a little pick me up to get me through my nightly chores, and blogging, so I'm brewing up a cup! Maybe I really do have a death wish.

I can already smell it through the bag. I'm no coffee connoisseur, so I lack the elaborate adjectives one might use to describe this. Like, how my beer-loving-friends always say things like, "it tastes like chocolate, with notes of peanut butter, you'll love it" and to me it just tastes like beer and a wasted opportunity to be bread. So bear with me here. This smells like coffee, but, like,
good coffee. Nailed it. 

In all seriousness, yes, this smells like dark roast coffee. It's acidic, and spicy. I can smell cinnamon, cloves, and cardamom right off the bat. Distinctly seasonal, but notably different from your average pumpkin spice.

I followed the normal coffee instructions, 2 tablespoons of grounds per 6 oz. of water, and made myself a single cup in one of my most festive mugs (for someone who hardly drinks coffee, I have a lot of  oversized spooky mugs!) Once brewed I plated up a pumpkin spice and a classic glazed doughnut from Krispy Scream Kreme to go with it and I was all set! (We're going full Homer Simpson tonight!)

I sipped it as-is first. Black, it's certainly bitter, but not bitingly so. Stronger than the coffee I normally buy, which is the medium-roast donut shop version of whatever store-brand happens to be present. I'm guessing the whole "World's Strongest Coffee" claim could actually be true. I taste some of the spices, but they aren't obnoxious or in your face. Some seasonal brews end up tasting like a cinnamon broom or a candle, but this has a nice balance. Just enough spice to give it fall appeal without any fancy coffee creamer, but not specified enough to pigeonhole it into being a fall-only beverage.

As for the chai, I can tell that this spice blend isn't the normal pumpkin spice ratios, but it's not as bold as I would have liked. I think it's mainly the cardamom that sets this apart. 

With cream and sugar, it maintains it's strong, almost tart, flavoring. With all my stomach issues, it's too acidic for me. Drinking more than one cup a month would be asking for trouble, but I wonder if the cold brew method would give me all of the flavor with less of the bite? 

After finishing my mug, I feel warm, a little peppy, and in the fall spirit. What more could I ask for? 

I may have to revisit this post if I try it coldbrew style, but for now, this non-coffee drinker thinks this is a more mature, adult, take on pumpkin spice. If you're burnt out on sugary spiced drinks, definitely give this a try.

UPDATE: It is nearly midnight, and while my eyes are tired, and begging for sleep, my heart feels like it's going to explode.
I believe I have made a mistake

Before I lose my mind, let's have a quick ramble about Treehouse of Horror, AKA, The Simpsons Halloween Special.  

I stopped watching the Simpsons a long time ago, but I was once a dedicated fan. I still reference the show all the time, "Everything's coming up Milhouse," or, "feels like I'm wearing nothing at all," are part of my normal vernacular. And we can't forget, "I'm so hungry, I could eat at Arby's." There were so many great plot lines, quotes, memes! But I think we can all agree, the Treehouse of Horror Episodes hit different. 

I'll be generous and say that every special below 10 is worth watching, but really, the best-of-the-best are 8 and under. But, the Simpsons just released a full, episode-long, IT parody, separate from their scheduled Treehouse of Horror this year, and it was a lot of fun! I got flashbacks to previous Simpsons parodies of Nightmare on Elm Street, and The Shining. If you're a fan of the old stuff, try and check it out.

If I could only watch one special this year, I'd go with 5 from 1993, purely for ,"The Devil and Homer Simpson." Which Simpsons segment is your favorite? 

Fans of this would also like: 
Dunkin' Donuts Mocha Oreos, Devil-Flanders, or Coffee Time Syrup

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