Wednesday, September 18, 2019

How can something wet, be so dry? (I thought only alcohol could do that?)

Dry Sparkling Soda  - Aldi
I spotted these in the aisle at Aldi and my first thought was, "Ooh, pretty bottles!" Upon further inspection, these bottles aren't directly printed upon, they're covered in these shrink-plastic sleeves covered in delightful watercolor illustrations. Cute, and practical as far as production is concerned, but up-close they're pretty beat up. There are scuffs, nicks, and slashes all over them peeling back the wrapping and exposiing the glass bottle underneath. For something with such a lovely design, it's presentation gets lost in all the imperfections that come with shipping and displaying their item. Still, the concept of a potentially dry naturally flavored fruity soda is intriguing, so I picked the two prettiest bottles to review.   
Then, at the check-out, they rang up for almost five freaking dollars a bottle! A pretty steep price for a beverage, especially at Aldi, but I already committed to giving these a shot so I stuck with it. Now knowing the price, I'll be holding these up to a pretty high standard. Will these deliver? 
Watermelon: Smells surprisingly authentic. This has a fresh, watery, aroma that is more like real watermelon than it is a Jolly Rancher, but something about this smell is slightly off putting. I can't quite put my finger on it, but if uncanny valley visual effects had a smell, this would be the watermelon version. (Something just ain't right here.) Taking a sip...whatever is wrong with it smell-wise is multiplied by 100% for taste. There's nothing about this that is spit-take bad, but it just tastes...wrong. Like watermelon that is tip-toeing the line between over ripe and spoiled. There is a slightly dry (like the name) and bitter flavoring similar to watermelon very close to the rind, but there is also this mealy overripe sensation that I find especially off putting. How can a liquid, without texture, taste mealy? I'm stumped. It's a sensation I do not wish to repeat and certainly do not think you should spend nearly $5.00 a bottle exploring. This is a dud, a prettily packaged one, but a dud nonetheless.     
Pineapple: Again, smells pretty good, like a pineapple gummy bears, but scents can be deceiving. Turns out, this is the most flavorful and palatable of the two. Although the tagline boasts "naturally flavored with other natural flavors," this not only tastes unnatural, but it barely tastes like pineapple. The flavoring is watery and weak while somehow being syrupy and artificial. To me, this tastes like a tropical freezer popsicle, the kind that are liquid sugar frozen in a clear plastic tube-shaped pouches, diluted with a ton of unflavored soda water. It's no where near as disgusting as the watermelon, and definitely drinkable, but far from enjoyable. To sum it up, this one is sad pineapple gummy bears drowned in seltzer. 
Welp, there's $10.00 I won't be getting back any time soon. I could return these to Aldi and use their 100% satisfaction guarantee to get reimbursed, but I knew these may have been a flop and since I went in knowing that, I feel they aren't to blame. I'll begrudgingly drink these until they're gone just to get my money's worth, but I don't think I'll be giving this brand another shot in the future.
Fans of these would also like: Sadness, Fit & Active Fruit Bars, and Super Mario 3-D Fruit Gummies
Keep Up with My Adventures on Social Media!

No comments:

Post a Comment