Wednesday, August 10, 2022

Coconut with a Side of Play-Dough

Coconut & Chocolate Crunch Gelato

Teeth are stupid, we get baby teeth and those last us like, 12 years (or whatever), only to be replaced with something that needs to last us another 70+ and even then they might not grow in "right." It made sense when life expectancy was like, 35, but this is 2022. George Jetson was (supposedly) born this year, shouldn't we GATTACA this stuff up by now to genetically ensure our collective dental future? Or is there a big dental conspiracy so they charge us a fortune? 

Long story short, I went in for my normal cleaning and ended up getting dental surgery. It was expensive, and it sucked. On a positive note, I get to eat a bunch of soft, cool, foods. Like ice cream, or gelato while I heal, so I grabbed a bunch of stuff to try. Including this gelato. 

It's chocolate and coconut, and I adore chocolate and coconut. It has the tiniest bit of grated coconut on top and cookie bits at the bottom, which my new dental work won't love, but other than that, how could you do wrong? 

First spoonful in, and it's really disappointing. 

For starters, the whole layered thing just doesn't work. You get less gelato for the money, the cookie bits at the bottom are stale, not crunchy, the shredded coconut on top is all texture, no flavor, and the chocolate sauce, while decent, can't salvage the rest of these ingredients.  

The coconut gelato has a nice texture, but that's the only positive thing I can say about it. It's very mild, barely coconut-y at all. It more-so tastes like soap than i does actual coconut. I recently bought a coconut body butter from Trader Joe's, hoping it would smell rich and coconut-y similar to their fall pumpkin body butter, but coconut. Sadly, it smells like soap and Play-dough. This gelato tastes like that smells, more cosmetic than food. 

I love coconut in all forms. Real coconuts you buy at the store and bash open with tools in the yard, coconut milk, coconut cream, shredded coconut, coconut syrups, and coconut chips. The only form of coconut I don't care for is coconut water. (As a concept is sounded amazing, but it tastes like gross sweat.) All of that is meant to prove I am a true coconut fan, I know what coconut tastes like, and this ain't it. 

Looking at the ingredients, this contains coconut paste, grated coconut, and dried coconut milk. How could this have gone so wrong? 

The chocolate gelato is okay, it's a lot like a chocolate Frosty from Wendy's, but where it touches the coconut, it gets the floral-flavor-transfer. It overpowers what little coconut there is to be had, but with it tasting so cosmetic, that's actually a good thing. 

What should have been a delicious container of gelato, was just a big letdown. For the price, and the amount of calories, I just don't think this is worth it. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone and I don't think I'll be checking out any of the other flavors any time soon.  

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