Monday, August 15, 2022

Surfer Boy Pizza - Buckle Up, Brochachos!

After my lackluster New Coke experience, I wasn't going to try any other Stranger Things food items. Then a friend of mine went full-ham and bought a bunch of them so we could have a fun on-theme snack night while watching the (at the time) season finale. (I started this post way back then and never finished it.) It was super cute of them, and I always appreciate thoughtful gifts like that, but my expectations for the quality of the food were pretty low.

They got Eleven's Favorite waffle mix (which glows under black-light), two different flavors of Surfer Boy Pizza, and the weirdly nothing-to-do-with-Stranger-Things vegan "chicken" nuggets. 

First course, Surfer Boy Pizza. We had two flavors, the Supreme (my go-to freezer pizza flavor) and Pineapple Jalapeno. A favorite of rad dudes and dudettes like our main man, Argyle from this season.  

The boxes are meant to mimic the ones seen on the show, and the back panel offers different characters and some cut-out cardboard glasses which made no sense at the time, but when the rest of the season dropped the next month, they made a lot more sense. Honestly, the backs of the boxes are pretty darn cute, and I kept them just for the back panel alone. I like the character illustrations, and I can't help by hear Argyle's voice in my head as I read the Surfer Boy Pizza paragraph. 

Sadly, that is where my compliments end.  

I opened the boxes, and inside were two fairly standard pizzas. The Supreme had a nice amount of toppings, while the jalapeno pizza was more pepper than it was pineapple. I followed instructions and popped them into the oven to bake. 

Cooked, they looked completely ordinary, like any other frozen pizza with a slightly risen crust. I cut them into sliced to try and...they tasted like nothing? 

Pineapple Jalapeno, that should have flavor, right? After all it's two very flavorful ingredients, and yet, nothing. 

The box stated that the jalapenos are "mild" but these taste like slightly squishy water. Bell Peppers have more bite than this. And the pineapple is very muted as well. Both toppings are more texture than they are flavor. Speaking of flavor...the only flavor I could really appreciate was the crust. It was a typical rising crust, similar to the ones I have had from Aldi and Lidl, and it was pretty good. Nice texture, crisp outside, fluffy inside, but the sauce and cheese also tasted like nothing. I can't really say it was "bad" because it didn't taste "bad" it just tasted crust with wet watery veggies on it and a touch of pineapple. 

Supreme was slightly better. We have the same crust, which is again fairly decent for a frozen pizza, but the sauce and cheese tasted like next-to-nothing. The toppings are what salvaged this one and made it more edible.  

The pepperoni and olives in particular rescued this from being entirely bland to kind of okay. Not the best Supreme pizza I have ever had, but it was more edible than the pineapple pie thanks to it's actual flavored toppings. Again, it tasted bland and watered down, but at least there was pepperoni and olives. 

I don't like being outright mean to a product, especially when the brand is a more mom-and-pop, but these were not good. I was so shocked by the nothing-ness of these pizzas that I tested myself for COVID to make sure I hadn't lost my sense of taste. (Nope. All clear, just weak pizza.) 

I fully understand this is freezer pizza, and wouldn't ever compare this to like, real delivery pizza or gourmet. My review is solely without the scope of having tried a LOT of frozen pizzas over the years, both name brand and off-brand, and even with that understanding and scope, this was not good. 

Surfer Boy Pizza comes in other flavors, with different characters on the back panels, but I wouldn't recommend buying them unless you really want to collect all the boxes or you're a big Stranger Things collector. The pizza inside is just not worth it. (Thankfully, I think my friend got the two coolest ones, Argyle and the Demogorgon, so I'm happy with what I've got.) 

In short, cool boxes, bad pizza. Take your taste buds elsewhere, Brochachos.

 If you like these, you'd also like: New Old Coke, Aldi Gyro Pizza, Aldi Cuban Pizza, Aldi BBQ Chicken Pizza, Aldi Veggie Pizza, Tandoori Chicken Pizza, and Beer Brat BBQ Pizza

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