Ah, Green overly-sexualized m&m, we meet again. It feels like only yesterday I was staring at your blinged-out Christmas packaging (reviewed here), but it was actually a week ago. I think we need to have a talk about "boundaries."
Confession time: I knew these were going to suck before I even bought them, but I got them anyway. Why? Well, two reasons: 1- My b/f's sister wanted these, and I just so happened to be at Walmart so I grabbed them for her, and 2- it's trending food-blog-fodder.
I've been trying random new food stuffs for a few years now, and even though I'm not as seasoned as my more knowledgeable foodie friends, like CandyBlog, JunkFoodGuy or ImpulsiveBuy, I still know a dud when I see one. Usually when anything shelf stable tries to taste like cheesecake, you know you're in for a bad time. But, who knows, maybe I am being cynical and I'll be proven wrong. There's only one way to find out...
This seasonal bag isn't as nice as the winter themed one. The layout feels less thought out, we don't have any faux texturing or patterns to add visual interest, or depth, and the scattered hearts feel like a lazy holiday-appropriate slap-on solution to fill in empty space. Plus, Green m&m still gives me the creeps. Admittedly she's not as sexualized here as I have seen her in the past, but something about those bedroom eyes, oddly detailed humanized lips, and clutching that rose is just...unsettling.
|Three of the m&m's in this groupshot have the gray halo-effect I talked about.|
Moving on from creepy humanized m&m's (Because rule 34), inside the bag we have white, creamy-beige, and pale pink coated candies with light gray "m"s. Right away I noticed that some of the m&m's had this bizarre gray halo-effect where the edible ink bled into the candy shell. These m&m's had a shadowy gray pool on the surface, which was neat to photograph, but not all that appealing for the candy dish. Thankfully there were only a handful of those in my bag.
I buried my face in the bag to see how these smelled, and...it was not a great decision on my part. These smell very artificial, plastic-y, and almost like they've been dusted with black pepper? It's really bizarre, but there was a moderate black peppercorn aroma mixed in with the sweet sugary artificial cheese aroma of these candies. Why? Why is that a thing? Is it from the plastic bag? Is something wrong with my bag? This spiced aroma was completely unexpected. I really hope they don't taste like they smell.
Moment of truth time, was my gut right in thinking that these suck?
The short answer is: I was right. These are a fail, but not AS fail as I had predicted.
The base is the same sweet white chocolate as the Shimmer m&m's I just reviewed, which are made of decent white chocolate and rather enjoyable, but the added "cheesecake" flavoring is really artificial, and not cheesecake-y at all. It comes off as powdered coffee creamer, mixed with white chocolate, and chemical fake shaker cheese. The initial flavoring is sweet white chocolate, but that fake artificial cheese flavoring gets you at the end and it lingers. After a while the artificial flavoring warps into something not-food-like at all. It's hard to describe, but right now my mouth tastes like a pen or something exploded in it. (I used to chew on pens in high school. Pen-splosions would happen. It wasn't pretty.)
I had some rare cheesecake flavored Pocky a while back, and that was WAY better. If you're looking for a shelf-stable cheesecake snack, check those out instead. In my opinion, this flavor isn't worth picking up, and after two lackluster m&m reviews in a row, I'm not too hopeful for the rest of their 2017 releases.