Wednesday, October 16, 2024

This doesn't deserve a Savage Garden "I want you" reference - Cherry Cola Olipop


After seeing countless posts on social media, this avid full-sugar soda drinker decided to give Olipop a try. Could this adorable can of liquid really be an enjoyable soda alternative? Possibly. Will it actually taste exactly like full-sugar soda? I doubt it. 

I picked up two flavors, Cherry Cola and a limited edition Peaches & Cream Barbie collab. 

Cherry flavored cola is my go-to (more specifically Wild Cherry Pepsi, but I will also accept Cherry Coke) so I thought that would be the best place to start in terms of comparison. 


Visually, this is the perfect storm of whimsical and trendy. It blends modernized simplicity with retro-esthetics all in one bold, colorful, package that pops in photographs. Whomever did the branding and design deserves a gold star. If I'm being honest, the people on Instagram talking about how much they love this stuff might have gotten me interested in the first place, but the cute can designs are what pushed me into purchasing. 

But that kind if gimmick only leads to one-time purchases. If you want me to stick around it actually has to taste good too.

Opened it smells like all the other "healthy" colas I have had, and hated, in the past. It's cola-like, but in a floral and medicinal way, not the warm caramel-notes that I've become accustomed to. (Also, say hello to my foster kittens! Fred, and twin sisters Daphne and Velma! Not pictured is their other brother, Shaggy, who didn't feel like invading my photobooth. I'm trying REALLY hard not to foster fail and adopt more cats...but we'll see what happens.) 


Taking a sip, I immediately have flashbacks to all the other "fancy" sodas with cool packaging I tried on the blog: Fentiman's, the Nature's Pure Organic vanilla cola/cherry cola, or even the most recent Alive mushroom-based "sodas." There is no way I would ever mistake this for a normal soda or use this as a soda replacement. Unflavored seltzer is better than this stuff. 

It's just like when my friends who like to consume alcohol try and convince me, someone who hates the taste of alcohol, to try something saying. They say stuff like, "it tastes just like peanut butter," or, "chocolate cake," and in the end tastes like beer and a poor imitation of whatever was promised. 

To me, this tastes like medicine mixed with the Pepsi soda stream concentrate that I gave away in a buy-nothing group in my area. I do not like it, and it is not good. I would rather have my prebiotics and fiber in yogurt or literally any other form than this. 

I was joking with my friend Brian, who also doesn't like this stuff, that my review should be: "I'd rather never shit again in my life than drink another can of this." - Maria, 37, NJ. 

Crass, and dramatic for the sake of comedy, but I don't want to drink this ever again, nor do I even want to finish this can, which is annoying because it's expensive. ($2.50 a can.)

Maybe this flavor just a dud? I'll see if the Barbie flavor tomorrow can change my mind. 


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