Sometimes Foodie: Birthday Cake Cool Whip Mix-Ins

Birthday Cake Cool Whip - Shop Rite

This has been in my freezer FOREVER. Well, not literally, but this was an impulse buy I made right around the time quarantine first began. I braved the stores to buy ice cream for my then ex and his daughter (who were obsessed with Turkey Hill vanilla bean and it was on sale), and I spotted this. My judgement wasn't the best, being in panic-mode, and I hadn't had Cool Whip in forever, so I grabbed it.

Several months of quarantine, a cancelled wedding, 2 new hair colors, and about 5 mental health crisis later, here we are. So, is this still edible? And, if so, is it good?

The packaging is a happy shade of pink with scattered nonpareils-style sprinkles, a slice of "Birthday Cake," and large, white, sans-serif text. Normally I go on rants about how much I hate "birthday cake," flavored products, but I think the fact that I bought this anyway is a clear indication that I was mentally checked out.

On the bright side, it sure is happy to look at.

I had never bought this product before, so for some reason, I expected the sprinkles to be separate, like, inside a packet under the lid or something, but to my surprise they are already mixed in to the pale pink Cool Whip.

This stuff is pink, but a very muted, bubblegum-soufflé kind of pink, and it's opaque and matte. It photographs nicely, but something about it freaks me out. (Just a little bit.) I think it's reminding me of some kind of face mask, or children's toothpaste. Even after being in my freezer for months, it doesn't look or smell freezer burnt. It actually doesn't smell like anything at all.

I grabbed spoonful to give it a try, and I forgot how...foamy, this stuff was. I know I didn't let it thaw completely, if I did I might get more of a loose dollop-effect, but the foaminess, though odd, is kind of the appeal of Cool Whip, right?

I took a bite, and it was actually better than I expected. The "sprinkles" are more like little flecks of color (mostly blue), and don't offer any texture, not a "crunch" to be found, and the flavoring is reminiscent of canned vanilla cake frosting. It's sweet, vanilla, a little buttery, but in the fake butter kind of way, and overall, not bad. Actually it kind of reminds me of the novelty vanilla ice cream used to make ice cream cakes. I bet this would be awesome with some chocolate cookie crumbles.

Other than pairing it with chocolate cookies, I don't really know what else to do with this stuff. Any ideas? Due to lack of uses, I won't be buying it again, but it really isn't that bad. What do you eat with Cool Whip?