Marshmallow Hot Cocoa Pop-Tarts

S'more was my go-to Pop-Tart in my teens, and I am a HUGE fan of all things marshmallow, so I picked these up on a whim. 

Once I got it home, reality and buyers remorse set in. "Cocoa", like, "birthday cake," or, "churro," are grandiose names given to basic-flavored products for added marketability. Nine times out of ten, these items are just chocolate, vanilla, and cinnamon flavored. Fancy names sell, and they're right. They got me! I'm going to try these toasted and untoasted to see if I'm being overly cynical. 

Pop-Tart Party! - Multiple Flavors, ONE Post

Went through my pantry and found a BUNCH of Pop-Tarts. I guess I kept buying them and forgetting about them. Rather than stretch these reviews out into individual posts (which I could do, because it's a bunch of content) I am kind of sick of these things and want to get them out of here ASAP. 

So I'll just run down the list and rate them out of 5. 

Get into The Loop - Froot Loops Pop-Tarts - TOASTED UPDATE

 Froot Loops Pop-Tarts - Target

With all the health and safety risks these days, I have been trying to stay home as much as possible and avoid stores, in doing so I've been safe, but I've also missed out on trendy food items. For the most part, missing out on a few Oreos and a bunch of novelty breakfast cereals didn't bother me, but then there were items like these that I found really intriguing. I finally got my hands on them, so let's hope they were worth the wait.

Diagnosis: Splitsville (& My Top 5 Pop-Tarts Flavors)

Pop-Tart Splits  - Walmart

Have any one you seen a real-life Pop-Tart that looked anything like the picture on the front of the box? 

It seems that both Pop-Tarts and fast food burgers never look anything like their advertisements. Here we have perfect icing and giant sprinkles on the outside of the box which look amazing, but inside...

Orange You Glad I'm Posting Reviews? - Root Beer & Orange Crush Pop-Tarts

Root Beer & Orange Crush Pop-Tarts - Ollie's Bargain Outlet

Limited Edition Pop-Tarts, unlike Oreos, are pretty low-risk when it comes to writing food reviews. I can easily recall a few failure/nightmare Oreo products that haunt my tastebuds to this day, but when it comes to Pop-Tart flavors, I have no regrets. 

Even the slightly more risky flavors, like Maple bacon were pretty great! I liked them so much that I bought several clearance boxes for my at-desk snacking needs. Unfortunately, Pop-Tart's winning track record is now being put to the test with these new Soda flavors.

Not a fan of vanilla? How about Mocha?

Dunkin' Donuts Mocha Pop-Tarts - Walmart

The companion Pop-Tart to yesterday's review, today we have Chocolate Mocha! 

Kind of a redundant name, don't you think? With "mocha" the chocolate is usually implied. I mean, a cafe mocha is milk, espresso (some times places use plain ol' coffee) and a hint of chocolate. It's like calling chocolate milk, "chocolaty chocolate milk."  Perhaps the chocolate here refers to the chocolate pastry shell? Oh well, enough semantics, let's eat!

Hot Lattes, Straight From The Toaster

Vanilla Latte Pop-Tarts - Walmart

I know these are old news, and no one cares anymore, but I'm cleaning out my pantry and I've got quite a few backlogged Pop-Tarts to review, so I'm going to do my best to knock them all out this week! First up, Dunkin' Donuts Vanilla Latte!

Caramel Apple Pop-Tarts - Walmart #tbt

Caramel Apple Pop-Tarts - Walmart #tbt 

I know it's not Thursday but...I GOT THE HOUSE! 

I have been working with lawyers, realtors, and banks since the beginning of October to seal this deal and my short sale journey is finally at it's end. We start the closing proceedings next week and then I have to start tackling repairs and cleaning before I can move in, but still...I'll have a HOUSE!

This also means I need to bust through as much of my food-hoarding-stash as I can to lighten my future moving-load, so expect a lot of off-season throwbacks! 

Let's kick off the throwback frenzy with these Pop-Tarts!

Watermelon Pop-Tarts - Walmart

Watermelon Pop-Tarts - Walmart

Remember the Maple Bacon Pop-Tarts I reviewed a few weeks ago? It was released with two more flavors, a chocolate caramel and these watermelon ones, and a limited edition Pink Lemonade version is on the way. (Lemonade should be available this April.) When I saw these new releases the chocolate caramel version left me feeling pretty "meh," so I decided not to check those out, but the watermelon? It gave me this surge of nostalgia, I knew I had seen these before..and it turns out, I had! Remember these "Wild Watermelon" Pop-tarts from the 90's? I sure didn't, until I saw these! What's going on? Full House is back, Ghostbusters is headed into theaters along with Ecto-Cooler, and now Watermelon Pop-Tarts?

RIP you wonderful funny man. 

I'm pretty sure I ate them way back when, but I can't remember if I liked them or not. The fact that they didn't leave much of an impression doesn't bode well, but what the heck. Why not give these a(nother) try?

Maple Bacon Pop-Tarts - Walmart

Maple Bacon Pop-Tarts - Walmart

There was once a time where we thought that adding bacon to something automatically made it better. Bacon cheeseburgers? Genius! Bacon pancakes? Brilliant! Bacon Pop-tarts? Okay, this one I'm a little on the fence about.

I love bacon, and it's one of the reasons why I haven't adopted my boyfriend's vegetarian diet even though my personal eating habits lean towards the veggie side. When my sister and I survive an usually hard work week I always buy and cook an ENTIRE PACKAGE of bacon on the weekend and we eat the entire thing. (Throughout the day, not all at once. We tried eating the entire thing as breakfast and it was too much bacon. Which was a thing I never thought I'd ever say in my life, but it's true.) We call this bacon-feast, "real people breakfast" and it's usually served with eggs, toast, and all that well-balanced-breakfast stuff you see on TV commercials and cereal boxes. Just with 400% more bacon. Okay, I think I've proven my bacon-loyalty, but with that being said...I don't know how bacon will translate into Pop-Tarts, but I'm ready to find out! (Although to be honest...I'm going into this with really low expectations.)

Pumpkin Organic Frosted Toaster Pastries - Trader Joe's

Pumpkin Organic Frosted Toaster Pastries - Trader Joe's

My local Trader Joe's always sells out of these, so I figured these had to be review-worthy and I started stalking the aisles for their return.

It took me two years to finally get a box! Admittedly, if I had put more time, effort and money into my search I could have gotten these a lot sooner, but I already had a giant pile of pumpkin products for 2013 and 2014! Driving into the next state to search for pumpkin flavored organic hipster-Pop-Tarts to add to my 30+ other seasonal reviews just seemed excessive. I could wait.

A few weeks ago I was wandering around Trader Joe's buying all that candy for our Candyology101 podcast, and I finally got my hands on a box!

Red White & Berry Pop Tarts - Target: Marlton, NJ

Red White & Berry Pop Tarts - Target: Marlton, NJ

It's Independence day here in America, so that means backyard BBQs, fireworks, and a whole lot of red, white, and blue themed foods. Normally I'm not a huge fan of novelty food products like this, where it's a normal every day item with a seasonal color switch up, but I bought these thinking they'd be fun to photograph and post for the holiday. Hopefully the real pastries inside are as cute as their box-art counterparts.

Blue Raspberry Pop Tarts - Target - Marlton, NJ

Blue Raspberry Pop Tarts - Target - Marlton, NJ

Blue food means blue pop culture references! I've already linked Eiffel 65's smash hit in other posts, but that's a pretty obvious one to go with, today's reference is a bit more obscure.

Coupon for .50 cents off PB&J Pop-Tarts: Expires 3/15/15

There’s a Coupon for .50 cents off! Expires 3/15/15

I wanted to let you know that there’s currently a coupon for this specific flavor of Pop-tarts. I really enjoyed these, and I am all about saving money, even if it’s just .50 cents, so I’ll definitely buy another box this month. I just wanted to pass on the possible saving to the rest of you who might be interested.

© Maria Smith http://poison-and-antidote.net

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Chocolatey Strawberry Pop-Tart - Target: Marlton, NJ

Chocolatey Strawberry Pop-Tart - Target: Marlton, NJ

Nothing says love like a processed toaster pastry. (Two different Pop-Tart reviews in one week? I gotta start planning these things out better.)

All snarky-ness aside, it would be pretty cute to slip a seasonal Pop-Tart into your child's lunch bag for Valentine's Day, or even pop it into your sweetheart's pocket on their way to work. It might be fun and seasonal, but I don't think this flavor will live up to the awesomeness that is the PB&J Pop-tart. You can check out that review HERE.

Still, I thought it'd be fun to check this flavor out and give it a review, so let's get to it!

PB & J Strawberry Pop Tarts - Walmart: Berlin,NJ

PB & J Strawberry Pop Tarts - Walmart: Berlin,NJ

EDIT: There's a Coupon for .50 cents off! Expires 3/15/15

If you grew up in America, a PB&J sandwich is filled with childhood nostalgia. It's the perfect go-to school lunch or afternoon snack. When I was little, I always had strawberry jam on my sandwich, which I thought was the "normal" combination, but I guess grape is the industry standard. Back in the 1980's Pop-Tarts had a PB&J flavor with grape jelly, but it was discontinued in '86, one year before I was born. Thankfully they decided to bring the combination back, but this time, it has the proper jelly filling, strawberry! I may not be a peanut butter addict, but there's something about the mixing of creamy peanut butter and strawberry jelly that I absolutely love, so I am super excited to give these a try!